The past that refuses to go away casts its shadow very long into the present and the future. Many of us have had break ups in the past and now desire to go forward .But something destroys every new relationship that we try to develop. This can be worse because if you find that your every new relationship is breaking apart, you will start searching for faults in yourself. The truth may lie somewhere else. Let us examine the process.
What happens after a break up? This largely depends upon the intensity of the earlier relationship. More intense the love, more hurt will result after the break up. And if the break up took place because of unfaithfulness of your partner, it will hurt you more. The memories of time shared will haunt forever. A look at something shared will bring in an avalanche of past memories and will take away your peace in a moment. The past can be very destructive. It kills the person, it kills the present and the future. It can haunt one forever.
How to come out of it? There are no easy ways out of this. Some of us will never come out of the grief for our lifetime. One method that can be tried is this. Imagine a reservoir of emotions. Imagine of many reservoirs. In one, you have your longing for the one you lost. In another you store your memories of good times. In yet another you have stored pain that you are suffering from. In this manner imagine of many reservoirs. Till they are emptied, you will not become new. Am I right?
What is to be done? Please empty them out. It will take time, in some cases many years, but you can empty them if you really want. Live through all your longing again and empty that reservoir. Similarly cry as much as you can and feel the hurt the lost love has given you. Experience everything fully, suffer from all the pain and try to empty out all that is in your heart. Get help from God. Download and view these screensavers to get motivated. Screensavers- Living , Screensavers - Everyday Thoughts This whole process of living through everything again and beginning afresh is very painful. But if you want to live again, please do this.
Many of us hide our hurt, avoid thinking about the good moments shared together and in all possible ways try to be so busy that the feelings don't come out at all. But the feelings are very much there inside eating away our vitals. These feelings will never allow you to move forward in a positive way. Please remove everything from the mind and the heart by reliving and go forward. You may no longer feel the hurt and the pain with the same intensity, but it will be very difficult to fall in love with another person again with the earlier intensity. Please accept this fact. Your beloved who left you has taken away something very vital from you - your faith in goodness of human beings. But after emptying out totally, you will at least be come a normal person, who can carry on life if not like a robot, than like a person without any feelings. At least you will not feel the pain of death every moment. Everyone of us is not lucky to have happiness. Please accept that fact and try to live to contribute something positive to the world.
Mohatta is a content writer for egreetings. He loves writing content for eCards on friendships. Some of his writings are in the categories of eCards- Thinking Of You, and eCards - Good Day
When Cupid Hits
I used to live a simple, happy life. I call it happy, but it was more of a peaceful life. Happiness has different meanings at different times. Till a woman gives birth, she does not know what is happiness of being in love with the child. Is it not true? It was same with me.
Talking of love, I had read quite a lot in books and seen many movies. But love, the emotion was unknown to me. Then I fell in love and my world changed suddenly. I cannot say that I used to see stars in bright sun light, but I can surely say that for me the days became as lovely as the nights. We used to share everything. I used to read my poetries to her on telephone and she listened. That simple sharing was heavenly. The same ice cream used to taste totally differently when we used to share from the same cup. What she bought for me was commonly available in the shops, but I used to wear those clothes as if they were directly delivered from heaven.
I can go on and on about what all we shared and loved. As I said before that I had read about love, but did not know about it. I came to know about love only after falling in love. Love eCard 1, Love ecard 2, Love eCard 3 If you are not in love, please fall in love. There is nothing comparable to love in giving joy. If you are already in love, please make use of every moment to experience it. Love comes as a blessing of God. Love is a blessing and one need not know about heaven if one is in love. Why one falls in love with a particular person? Why one feels different in love? Why one likes the feeling of love more than anything else? Why one forgets one's identity in love? And why one dies when the beloved leaves for no reason, is a mystery.
Please enjoy life when you are in love. Enjoy every moment and live it. Love is a great feeling. Experience and live with love as much as you can, before you lose it.
I write for ecards on Weddings, Engagements and New Baby
Fears of a New Relationship
Katie had not been in a relationship in ten years, and she was scared to death. In her last relationship, she had lost herself completely and then felt devastated when her boyfriend of three years left her for another woman.
After working on herself emotionally and spiritually for a number of years, Katie, now 48, felt she was ready for a new relationship. So she joined an online dating service and promptly met Sean, who seemed too good to be true. Warm, compassionate, intelligent, and also on a personal and spiritual growth path, Sean, 55, was an available man! Now Katie's fears that she would not meet someone turned to fears of being in a relationship again.
Katie had learned how to take loving care of herself when she was alone or with friends, but doing this with a man was another matter. She had never actually taken care of herself in any of her relationships, and she was very worried that she would let herself down again.
Katie wanted some guidelines regarding loving actions she could take for herself as she started to explore the relationship with Sean, and she wrote to me asking me for these loving actions. So here they are – some loving actions to take when first exploring a new relationship:
1. Stay focused inside your own body, noticing your own feelings rather than just being tuned into the other person's feelings. Stay conscious of NOT taking responsibility for the others person's feelings of worth or security, and NOT making the other person responsible for your feelings of worth or security.
2. Make a solid decision before getting together with the other person that you are willing to lose the other person rather than lose yourself. Make a conscious decision to NOT make the other person's wants, needs and feelings more important than your own.
3. Stay clear on your own truth, NOT letting the other person talk you in or out of what feels good and right for you.
4. Be willing to take full, 100% responsibility for behaving in a way that makes you feel worthy, safe and powerful. Be willing to be who you really are rather than trying to impress. Make a conscious decision that being in integrity with who you really are, is more important than getting the other person's approval.
5. Do NOT disregard the big or small things that you find difficult, intolerable or unacceptable. If something is unacceptable or intolerable to you early in the relationship, the chances are that it is not going to get better. Do NOT convince yourself that, because there are so many good things about this person, you can overlook the problems or get the other person to change. This NEVER works!
Fears of rejection can emerge very early in a relationship. Some people are terrified of doing something wrong and being rejected, because they make they other person responsible for their feelings of worth and lovability. The fear of rejection can lead a person to give him/herself up to the other person, thereby touching off fears of engulfment – of loving oneself and being controlled or consumed by the other person. Thus, fears of loss – loss of self or loss of other – often surface quickly and people find themselves either giving in or pulling away in their efforts to protect themselves from their fears.
If you allow fear to guide you, you will likely either pull away or end up in an unsatisfying relationship. The most important thing to remember as you move into exploring a new relationship is: LET LOVE BE YOUR GUIDE, NOT FEAR. This means that you need to be open to learning about what is most loving to YOU – what is really in your highest good – rather than trying to have control over not being rejected or controlled by the other person. So, number six is:
6. Keep asking your inner wisdom, "What is the loving action toward myself right now? What is in my highest good right now?"
If you keep asking this vital question, you will find your way through exploring a new relationship without losing yourself and without getting hurt by the other person.
Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books, including "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?" and "Healing Your Aloneness." She is the co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing process. Learn Inner Bonding now! Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: http://www.innerbonding.com or email her at margaret@innerbonding.com. Phone sessions available.
